loves

I feel sad today. I dont know why.

Went back to school for the concert, must say, my class is the most un-enthu class around. Seriously. The class had a grand turnout of 9 that came just in time for the concert (including the performers). Yes and we meant it to be like that.

Popped over to comex at expo with david to check out the macbook after that. No i've decided that i dont like the keypad enough to get it. I'll still stick with my dust-gathering ibook in the meantime. Oh and i ran into andrew (ong) and bertrand there when i got seperated from david and kenny. Oh well.

Rushed off to orchard at 3pm when khariri called to say he's there already. Ran into jo at city hall at 4pm when that stupid boy was at marina square since 2pm. In the end, they had their kick suan`ing me. We didnt really do much since wangki cancelled last minute. Dammit. I miss wangki, coz even after he does his bit, he'll do his best to help me shield off jo and khairi's nonsense. Sigh.

I really dont know why, but i cant help feeling empty as i went home. It's like, honestly, i had fun but i didnt like how things turn out. I rather that i had time to spend alone with either of them. Like that crazy day after track, where jo sat with me at the grandstands. Haha. What happened after that was funny.

I think it's the whole have fun or be emotionally fufilling bit. And since i'm not really in an emotionally fufilled mood lately. So yea..

My dear jo bunny, eat more, okay ? You're losing weight. Lots. I remember how wangki, khairi and guoming used to joke that despite your size you're still such a slow and small eater. Heck. I might be slower but the fact that i eat more than double of what you eat remains a fact. Heh.

I know whenever you tell me you've shrunk coz you really had to cut down on your already light meals i would keep saying you've not, but in actuality, i know you're really losing lots of weight. You know, i'm worried for you. Really quite worried.

Hold on and dont let things get you down. You promised me you wouldnt. We said we'll both pull through, didnt we ? You've done what you could, now i hope, i wont disappoint you too. Love darling, loves. =)

D

I decided to continue with the list. If you dont see your name on it, it's likely to be because i'm doing the PAE people list. I'm trying to list at least ONE thing i like/memorable about everyone, so sorry if i didnt mention you at all.

David: Hello bitch. First knew you through track, where we never really spoke, then realised you were weimin's ex-classmate. Now, you're my classmate. Wow. Anyway, you're a great guy who's sasy to talk to and someone i feel that is somewhat on the same wavelength as i am most of the time. Although i feel that you're still an escapist at times or are taking the wrong approach sometimes, it's good that you're stronger and more willing to face your problems now. You really seem to be. =)

Desmond: It's been really great knowing you. I think you were the first one i spoke to/had a decent conversation with among the s09`ers. You're a guy with a sharp tongue but an uber nice heart. Someone whom will help defend me whenever anyone slams me. Your bitchiness is much missed. Haha.

Dinie: Oi. You mat. Like brandon, another of gloz's boys. Haha. Trumpter who left the SYO just to concentrate on schoolwork even though you're still so passionate about music. Hardworking bugger who continues to amuse me even till now. Although you're starting to freak me out with the amount of work you're doing now, but still, it's good to see at least someone is willing to go all out for his goals. Unlike me. Hahaha. All the best, dinie. All the best. =)

Dixon: I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ! From the day i saw you in school till the time we first spoke in the bookshop, realising that you were that camp`mate of mine. Dixon, you're a really swell guy with a great heart for your friends. Your simplistic way of thinking makes me envious sometimes, makes me upset for you at others. Cheer up big guy ! Loves. Ps. Chihuahua rocks. =P

bimbotic me.

Love the cold weathers, hate the pain it gives me.

You know, actually, i think i'm pretty deep for a bimbo. Haha.



Ps.

Daniel just messaged me asking if he should go to school tomorrow. As in tpjc.
My reply: Yes. Because i'll be going. Haha.

today today.

I realised that i have not been nice enough to people. I shall be nicer tomorrow. To especially those people whom deserve to be nice to. Yup yup.

Bringing sweets for my sweets. Hahaha. =)

Oh and i was on time early for school today.


I'm so proud of myself. You should be too.


Anyway, meeting jo bunny tomorrow. What a joyous occasion. =)


Ps. I confessed to Jeshua yesterday ! =))))

Pps. Cheekian, dont be lame. Siva, you're chubby.

a - z ( c actually)

You know, because it's a habit, i'll laugh when i'm upset. So yea. So make myself happy. Let us compile a list of people i've known this year.

In alphabetical order. =)

Alexi: My psychologist. The guy whose name i never knew until valentines day. The guy whom talked to me for 5 hours straight that friday. The guy who read me so bare in a mere 5 hours that i felt as if all my secrets were revealed. The guy who continued to read me everytime we talked after than day. The guy who promised me 7 times that you'll 'stop psycho warfare' with me but never did. The first person i know that has ever told me to 'look at me' when answering your questions. Thanks for the crazy days. You seriously dont know how much i learnt that day. Carpe diem.

Amantha: Stop poking wilfred please. Been a great pae with s09. You and esther who continued to return to haising almost twice weekly due to the mere reason that you 'miss the school'. So much laughter. The mass pon`ning sessions. The sit-in-canteen-during-first-period-to-stone days. The barbeque at your place was great. Still remember how you bought the wrong mushroom !! Hahaha. Also, your faith has been amazing. Loves babe. Lots of which.

Andre: Hahah. The guitar man from macau. Dammit, i never thought i'll be saying this but i miss you and your 'xing fei de yi'. I miss your lame`ness and crap. Ohoh !! and the dumb questions you always asked. But really. Especially miss the times when the group of us would just sit under the shade and start having mass sing-alongs. Here i am to worship. Haha. =)

Benjamin Quek: Stupid psychopath that bitches about me everytime i see him. Tough guy with a uber soft heart. Thanks for the time when you helped me look for my chain, asked me out for dinner on my birthday, asked me out for lunch - we never did went out for any food !!! Really really appreciate those little gestures. The crazy guy who's for some unfathomable reason - to me anyway - gets so excited to see me nowadays that i get freaked. Hahaha. You've been great. Really. Chill about school though. Stop being so competitive !! =P

Bertram: Got to know you coz of Ki. Remember the times when you, andre and i would sit and talk music and wangki would ask us to shut up. Remember the times when you, marcus, andre, kenneth and i would start talking about stuff from the bible. Even so, i never really spoke to you until after Ki left. I think it's the mutual 'i miss wangki' feeling that drawn us closer. Sounds wrong. Hahahaha. Anyway, for the record, I MISS WANGKI !!!

Brandon: Drummer boy !!! Remember our first chinese class when hin fan and christian made fun of the fact that you're from st pats and that 'ni de hua wen na C6 !' Remember the 'lets bitch about dinie' times and the time when you tagged giddy, jo and me to bras basah just coz i asked you 'for kicks'. Remember how you were DRASTICALLY LATE FOR THE VJC BAND CONCERT. Cheer up there at cjc, we still miss you. =)

Carissa: CAR !!!! I MISS YOU !!! Omg. You and iris the class sac girls whom we called bimbos. Remember our slogan ?? It takes a bimbo to identify another. Miss you tons. But good that you're doing well at mjc. Hope you and him are still going strong ya. You two look so cute together !!! Haha.

Cassandra: Fellow tracker who dislikes going for track. Who always loses my number. Who's so uber sweet all the time. Thank you and gene for the birthday song. Really sweet of you guys. Miss you tons. Sigh.

twinkle toes

He changed his password. I wonder why. But then, knowing too much isnt usually good is it ? If not, i guess most people wouldnt choose to hide stuff all these time. Or is it actually due to a fear of judgement ? I dont know.

Things've been spinning too fast lately. Scenes i dont want to remember keep flashing back. For those of you who've known me for long, i guess, you should know when i lose it, i lose it bad. I think i'm close to losing it now. Very close.

Everyday, is a battle with myself. Just to keep those damn flaws that peek out whenever i cant take it anymore in check. Just to ensure that i step on minimum toes each day. I dont like problems placed aside, even if it's just for a moment. Because like the butterfly effect, it'll just keep growing bigger by the minute, never ceasing. I think we all know the truth in that statement. Heh.


I miss daniel.


He is no fool to give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.


Maybe. But just, if only.

Okay, starbucks today. Usual weekend haunt.

First, i saw mingyi aka mr twenty steps lookalike.

Went to washroom and saw two db tpjc`ians.

Then, i noticed alton sitting at gelare next door

Next, the REAL mr twenty steps arrives. (wth)

Twenty steps leaves his stuff there and went off for about an hour.

Twenty steps comes back with a friend.

Soon after, max turns up. He chats with twenty steps then went inside to study.

Lastly, when twenty steps moved inside with friend, i noticed friend looks like josiah. I didnt say hi though. WHATEVER LA.



The area's really getting too crowded. Sigh.

hello bloggerland

Okay, i'm feeling not as emo as a few days ago. Not that i was really that emo to begin with. After all, if i'm emo, i shudder to think what hilyah was. (cue in emo, angst-ladden songs)

Besides, you realise that most people who claim to be emo to be well, people who are as they say in school, attract attention (aa). Of course, there is this something that says someone might be shrieking facing his/her/its computer screen saying that "BUT YOU ARE AA !!!" Ahh.

For one, i've brought a significantly noticable stuffed toy to school being about the length of my torso and well, 2.5 times the size of my arm. To better facilitate you in comprehending, lemmi show you a picture:


Compliements to my model, sam, camera(wo)man, wx, camera(phone) provider, david - the dopod's camera is really crappy, i cant stand it after living with my k750i for over a year already - and my darling hippo. He's really harmless, sam was trying out her horny ideas on him, thus got bitten la. Really. Tskk.

Anyway, yea, the mouth has a zipper and can be opened/closed and well, there's a 'compartment' in there where i can put things in. Right xavier ? Heh. Anyway, i usually dump my dopod in and since i'm still too lazy to get a new pair of earphones for my ipod, and then listen to my songs with a earpiece from my phone through the hippo's mouth. Looks kinda weird i know.

Anyway, for wx and to scare warren off his chair again, i present you with my old, classic full-body be a nerd day photo taken last year.















If i didnt remember wrongly, this was the third time's. Yea..

If you're doubting, it's really me, i borrowed someone's skirt, bought loooong socks and well, went to school that way. Serious. I think i freaked out quite a lot of people though. Heehz.

The things i do for kicks. Hahaha.
Happy screaming people. =))

emoiam.

Hello. I lost the letter Daniel gave me today. I left it in my Biology textbook two evenings ago when i was reading it at home. I forgot to take it out and so brought it to school along with my textbook today. I am very, very disappointed and angry at myself. That letter from Daniel was written for my birthday, it really meant so much to me.

Next, for people who feel that i'm being struborn and dumb for refusing to do my 2.4, well, all i'll say is, maybe you're right, but you dont understand the relationship between me and that run. So please dont judge me just for it. For reasons you dont and i dont think you'll need nor want to know.

Thanks Jasper, for coming over to talk to me after the run when i was sitting there. I'm really grateful for what you did. And Ms Goh, for having faith and offering me a ear. Such a coincidence that i went to her church for service last sunday too. Haha..

Next things, wx, you mentioned about feeling like a second-rated friend, well, that's how i feel most of the time with this class. With Su, David, Hem, PinYi, Amantha, Jehanne and even you. But there's nothing much you can do about it, someone's friendship is not something you can force unto. Who doesnt want people to lift you up when you fail, but when people choose not to do so, there's really nothing you can do except walk on yourself.

Especially lately, i was so upset and emotional about several occurances in my life, but i dont feel the concern from members of the class. Instead, people who came and told me to cheer up or to smile more were people in school whom i dont even feel so attached to. All the concern i've had from the people in class was just a casual question made out of mannerism, not out of genuine care for me. Nevertheless, i'm trying to pull through things, and i'll make it through, because I remembered, God's here for me.

Anyway, people out there in bloggerland, you can make shuyun feel better by going to do myJohari. After which, if you wanna bitch about me, go do my Nohari too.

isaiah 43:2

I think, i should really start studying instead of pretending to now.

I think last night was good. Crying my eyeballs out. Whatever self-pity all emptied. Though my eyes do feel awfully sore today, but still, today as i was on my way home from the 'class (pizza) outing', i was flipping through one of my notebooks and well, i saw this line i once scribbled from Micah 7:7. Reminds of this. It's like a reminder to myself that whether i feel Him or not, He's there, He's always there.

Charles and Hendro told me to cheer up today. I dont even think i looked that depressed anyway. Oh well. I think if Kenn, Jo and Ki were around i'll be getting so much nonsense from them just trying to make me laugh. Like how Ki went on and on making all sorts of funny accents just so i'll laugh that time during pae. I find myself so lonely lately. No one to count on and relate to. I guess that note was God's way of reminding me.

Something daniel wrote to me for my birthday card last year:

I know it seems a little awkward for me to suddenly mention this, but when it comes to your last days, your lonely days, God is all you can cling onto. When people around fail you, when I fail you, only God can sustain you.


Thank you for everything you've taught me, everything you've given me. For all your guidance and love. Let's go out again after your A's, just like last year's day out after your promos. I miss you. I really really miss you.



When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.
- Isaiah 43:2 (KJV)

no one feels the way i do about you now.

feel the heat

Egg makes me feel sad. He reminds me of people who used to be there for me. Haha.

Thinking of my school work now, i really have a lot to catch up. I wanna revise but i cant seem to do so without compromising the current syllabus. I think i'm pretty much screwed.

Bio, bio, bio.

Econs, econs, econs.

CHEM, CHEM, CHEM.

Then there's dumb math and its CONDITIONAL propability. Why cant they just stick to p&c instead ???!!!

Sigh. Oh well.

Ps. I jokingly told wilson i wanted cookies on a daily basis. Would be funny if he does do it.


anything for your love

that mask.

Was informing the people on my phonebook about the number change and Matthew sent such a sweet reply. =)

But i still cant remember who he is. Opps.



Sigh. You know, on the bus ride to the interchange, i was telling david how disappointed i am in s08. No togetherness and a lack of bonds (hydrogen bonds, ionic bonds, disulphide bonds and not forgetting hydrophobia interaction).

There's rumours and bitchness among as well as within cliques. Such conflicts annoy me somewhat. I dont the like isolation concept whereby they ignore and badmouth certain members of the class. It would be good for another thrash-out session soon.

As i was telling david, i think the whole "pass the slip of paper" idea might just work. Provided members in class are willing to be honest to others. Let's just hope that the hypocritical factor is at an all-time low that day.

Even amongst the people i usually hang with, sometimes i find certain annoyances about certain people. Bearable, but sometimes not things i wanna take when i'm upset. Which happens to be really often lately. As wilfred would say, it's not your fault, it's just me. But still, i think it would benefit the general class population who face you on a daily basis for you to cut down on certain traits. Sigh. It's been what ? 6 months ? Yet the class is still in this state. I dont know what to hope for now. Really dont.


Ps. Wilfred, if you're reading this, message/call me. We really need to talk.

Pps. To everyone else reading this, wilfred is not romantically related to me. Ewww. As i usually say, "i almost died la."

muggeriam.

Jeshua's been absent for like 4 days already !! Nooooooooooooo. Dumb siva. *throws tomato*

Anyway, test today was so bad that i didnt even write enough to officially have enough writing to be screwed for.

So yea. I wanted to call him out for a talk later actually. But i decided that since he hasnt been replying to me for some time already and seem to be so nonchalant about it after all, i guess, whatever i wanna say would be redundant to him.

Oh. Yes warren, i've decided that i shall go to school on time now. Then if i do run into Josiah, i ask him along to the airport for overnight studying. I wanna get the old clique to go but most of them dont like studying out and in large groups, you know us, we chit chat too much. Then for s08, the people dont like travelling to places specially to study. Sigh.

Oh well, so i'm planning to drag people around the neighbourhood down (MY LANE, NOT JOHAN'S !!!), but then, Michelle's having her prelims already while Shawna's bro's doing some poly course. Sigh sigh.

Anyway, I CAN JUST SO IMAGINE ANISA'S REACTION !!!

Ps. Bryan, david thinks you look hot.

Pps. The him here is different from the him in the last post. Haha.

changi airport

The airport's a really special place to me. Lots of memories with you there. Nowadays, i dont really like the place, so many changes. So different now. Like all the times we had there, lost and never coming back again.

I still remember, our 'study sessions' there. You, standing by the pillar waiting for me as i came up the escalator. You, constantly cheering me up whenever i got moody. Me, always trying to hide and scare you when we are leaving.

The time we sat and watched the sunset together. The first time you walked me home. The first time we held hands. Our first hug. =)

You know, i tell guys i dont like it when they put their arm on my shoulder because i feel short. But the truth is, i remember you everytime they do that. That day as we waited for the sun to set, when i poured out to you as you reassured me, your arm on my shoulder.

You know, honestly speaking, i still have some reservations about s08, but today's trip to the airport with them was great fun. Okay, it was meant to be a study session, and well, admittedly, not much got into our skulls, but still.. =))

The trip to NTUC with jn, su and yat. Jn, su and i playing hide and seek there while yat stones, me always getting caught coz of my shoes - dammit la. why the 3 of you wearing almost similar ones la. - the viewing gallery trip playing truth or dare, 'sunset watching' with su and yat.

The look-at-pak-being-emo sessions. The look-at-ivan-stoning sessions. Su and pak throwing my hippo around. All the laughter. All the randomness. Haha.

You guys just made me fall in love with the airport all over again. =))

And for that, i thank you all.



PS. Anisa thinks Josiah's hot. As Josh would say, lolified. Oh well, i think i'm gonna start popping by Josiah's place, go to his room, get his stuff just to make Anisa jealous. Hahahaha. Josiah hot ? Eewww. Hahahaha.

notes

You heard TPJC`ians complaining about bad food, how bad ?

Well, the rest of the stores are so lousy and sub-standard that we're petitioning just to save the prataman - one of the only stalls that sell food that's really edible - from being forced to leave due to a slight violation in his contact. That's how bad.

Oh well. Other news today would be that i helped Warren find out the name, cca, et cetera of his new eye candy. Tskk. Very disappointing for warren though, that dude's like everything that warren isnt and would never be - besides the gay part maybe. Hmmm. Hahahahaha. Oh and i got his number for warren. =P

On a more important note, Jeshua hasnt been turning up for school for 3 days already !!! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. I've been running into practically one guy from his class every day EXCEPT FOR HIM !!! Argh. Tuesday i saw Siva, then yesterday Khairu, today ? Alton. Dammit la. I think tomorrow's Harianto la. Zzz. I wanna make the damn confession !

self-pity.

Self-pity is a moral disease. It eats away your soul bit by bit and before you notice it, you're no longer in touch with reality. Being too busy with crying over your own problems to bother about caring for others.

The people fade into the background while your problems magnify and seem too much for you when in actuality, were most likely never much big to begin with. When you are too obsessed over your problems, you'll be worrying too much, feeling sorry too often for yourself, so much that you would tend to forget about the people around you. The buzz at the back of your head reminding you of minute problems while missing out on the crux of the happenings. That friend who stood by you goes unnoticed, that sweet sunset ignored while you're complaining about the rain.

Something everyone needs to understand is that, life does not revolve just around you. Take a break and go on a stroll down that park maybe, ponder not on the current predicament but rather on the more beautiful things in life. Well, the fresh air always did do me good.




I'm feeling much better now.

today.

oh crap. i forgot what i wanted to say due to warren. dammit.

Anyway, because i lost my notes and am too lazy to find them, besides, there's so many to photocopy being the mugger that i am, i bought the greatly coveted, Sloman - aka Economics textbook by John Sloman. Tskk. I'm such a mugger. *beams*

On a sidenote, i realised that everything i was reading today from the damn textbook was useless not important. Oh well, another 300 more pages to go before i'll understand my concepts ! After that all i need to do is dig up like some 45 articles from the papers and read up another 20 essays to pass my faculty test ! Wow ! I heart econs ! Not.

Oh and i confessed to siva today ! Oh so chubby ! Hahahahahaha. But i didnt get to see Jeshua. =(

Siva requests that i only tell Jeshua "i fell in love with him name" when he - Siva - is around. Really now, i still dont think it's weird. Bah.

orgasmatron

Okay, i finally tried the dumb device and i must say, it gives you a spine-tingling sensation. Brrr. Oh and it also gives you goosebumps. Haha. But was interesting. Speaking of which, reminds me of some dumb conversation that took place last night.

Abel notices Josiah coming out of his place. Josiah reached home like less than half an hour ago la.

Abel: Where're you going ?
Josiah: Street soccer court, you wanna join ?
Abel: You're going at this hour ? Are you insane ??
Josiah: Yea.

Abel interrogates me on what i'm planning to use the Orgasmatron for.
Abel: Where're you planning to use it anyway ?
Me: School ? Class ?
Abel: You're gonna use it in school ??
Me: Well, you were using it on the streets !
Josiah laughs.

After some random bitching and Josiah giving dumb comments. (Ohmygoodiness, so bryan low`ish !!)

Me: I think he just wants to try it himself.
Josiah: No !
Abel: Yea. Why would he need it, he has his whole choir to help him.
Josiah: Hey ! I dont need them okay.


Seriously, i think the guys along my street's deranged.

For those who noticed, i added in an extra line into the side 'profile'.

Yes i am slightly philemaphobic.

Not funny. Stop laughing you bimbos. But yea. I still adore hugs. Cuddly. Sighhh.


Oh and i realised i cant find my damn cip letter. Sheesh. I was hoping for some variety this year la. Tskkk.

Another thing, anyone who cant swim but keen to learn ? Inform me 'kay. I wanna join a swimming class tooooo. Speaking of classes, Johann, we're supposed to go blading you dumbo. Rawr.


Anyway, i'm sorry warren, i didnt mean to make you feel hurt. I love you. I wont leave. Not yet anyway. Lalala~ =)


edit:

My entire template just konked up on me. The font sized turned like 2 times larger. Okay, not that my font is big and i know some of you complained of it being hard on your eyes. But i dont care ! I like it small ! Rawr.

Anyway, the change in font size wasnt the worst thing, the more sidious bit was that the font was *gasp* TIMES NEW ROMAN !!! Ewww.

Thank goodness i remembered my test-site and went there to retreive my template. Phew. That was a close one.

streetparty`06

Loaned this thing called an orgasmatron from Abel and will be bringing it to school on Monday. Such fun. *grin*


Oh and i realised Josiah's from vj choir singing bass, thus, i asked him to say hi to Nicholas for me. Muahahahaha. Oh yes. Did i mention Josiah reminds me of Bryan Low ? Shorter, tanner version. Haha. Oh and just to return the favour, YOU HAVE A SEXY VOICE LA.

This year's party was interesting. But i'm gonna volunteer to do the music next year, though i agree with most of Abel's music tastes, some of his choices are so tskk at times. Pussycat dolls. Urgh..

Oh well, Michelle's home studying now while the guys are off at the street soccer court - Josiah's fault, asking them out at this insane hour to, of all things, kick a dumb ball. And you know, since i'm so freaked out by balls, i didnt bother tagging them. Eww.

On a side note, after much heart wrenching editing, i've finally made in within the word limit for my EoM. It was so painful cutting out those words. Sighh.


Ps. Michelle and Josiah rock la. I finally found someone along this street that's as low-profiled as i am. Muahahahahahahaa.

I smell black pepper crab. Yumm.

Annual street party, Mum demands attendence. Seriously, the way they make it out to be, people would most likely think it's a private party. Sheesh.

Remind me the next time my parents take a trip to throw a bash. Yea.

I think they're cornering the lanes now. Okay, breathe in, plaster that damn smile, go out, have fun.


Oh yea. I realised, when i'm extremely upset and angry over something, i tend to get rather vulgar. Tskk. Twice this year already. Such ill-conduct !

I wish i could talk to evan about this. But i know how worried he'll be as well as how angry he might get. I think that's one point where we both see eye-to-eye; disappointment in people is something we cant take. Oh and we tend to get overly empathic at times. Bah..

I DONT LIKE BEING OVERLY EMPATHIC !!!

Sometimes, i dont like being too emotional, dont like feeling too much of others, dont like thinking too much about them, dont like worrying for everything they do.

But that's just how i am be it i show my concern or not. So i guess, in the end, i still have to accept it. For that is who i am; simply because i am me, the very way God had planned me to be.

Like how every other thing He's planned, i guess, i just have to accept them and move on.

My Lord, i pray that you would give me the strength to guide him to you. To show him your glory so that he'll accept you and love you as i do.




My heartbeat goes off every time i think of what happened.
It was, and still is, so surreal.

~*~

Woke up this morning with the Lord's Prayer in my head. No idea why. Haha.

Besides that, i'm thinking of signing up for the Alpha Course. Have not decided where or when yet. Preferable soon and at a location nearby. If not, mingkiat's(mk) church offers it too, so yea. Might go there too. See first laaa. Sengkang leh. So far. Tskk.


Anyway,

Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
On earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
Save us from the time of trial,
And deliver us from evil.
[For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours,
Now and forever. Amen.]


Oh and this line that i found online:
Believe so that you may understand and not understand so that you may believe.

Because God has put us to it, i'm sure He'll pull us through it. This could be a good chance to bring him to Christ. =)

Everything still seems so surreal.

~*~

Okay. I think you might find this message to be really weird. But actually, I've been thinking about this for sometime already. Just that I've always found it rather hard to broach onto the topic.

This might be a really bad time to be telling you this but what I seriously wanna know is if you really feel that I'm a friend to you. After all, we rarely talk or share stuff. Honestly, I think I hardly know you.

I've known you for 2 years now but we rarely talk. Not talk, converse. Maybe I'm just thinking too much, maybe that's just how you wanna keep things as. Even so, couldn't you have at least mentioned it to me ? Just a sign of assurance would've sufficed. I don't like playing guessing games, Wil.

Above all, thanks for bothering to hear me out during a couple of those crazy times when I needed someone - Especially lately. Although I still get angry/sad/irritated when you hang the phone on me.

Nevertheless, thanks sweetie. I love you. I really do.

~*~

What finally led to wilfred replying me


Something i found just now:

The word integrity is related to the word integrate: "to bring all parts together." People with integrity make sure all the parts of their lives fit together — they don't act one way around one group and then change their tune in a different situation. As it says in Proverbs 11:3, "The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity."



Mixed signals. Double-standards. More than this but less than that.

I think we really need a talk, dont we ?

~*~

My dearest hippo, Wilfred:

I've been desperately trying to get hold of you for almost two weeks now. I'm really somewhat in need of the amath textbook, so yea, when're you finally free to past it to me ?

If you're too lazy to walk to the mrt station, i can always meet you somewhere nearer to your place like say the bus stop near st pats. So please please be a kind soul and stop using the dumb book to torment me. Thanks.

Much love,
Shuyun

that decision.

I was debating with myself over whether i should stop when i decided that perhaps you had comprehended the letter the way i wanted you to, hence i chose to believe and behave that way.

But the real reason - not saying what i said was false, just that it wasnt the whole truth - for my decision was made due to that lady that was sitting beside you just now. On the trip back, when i looked in your direction, i saw her and her bracelet. More specifically, i saw the two crosses that were hanging from it.

I wont say i didnt want it, in a way, i did. Just that, i've things that are more important to me. Values that i've resolved to keep. I cant explain to you how or why, it's just that.

I know i've did the right thing. Now all i hope for is that you'll respect me for my decision. I want us to grow closer together spiritually.

Earlier this year, a guy said this to me: 'i'll be your diary'. I think you might be feeling the way i did then, bemused by the request, exaperated over the seemingly lack of faith in our relationship as well as reluctant to open up, be it due to a lack of mutual trust or some other reason.

I know it's crazy to ask you to pour out your life to me. I know i wont be able to take it either, just that, honestly, i want to know you more than what you may seem to be. I want to know you for who you are and who you see yourself to be.

Because i mean it when i say, i care for you.


A sin is a sin even if you don't understand why, just like how an electric current can kill you even if you don't understand electricity

breathe in.

Okay, dont launch war. Dont launch war. You know you can win the damn thing but there's no point in winning is there ?
She's losing anyway. No need to dirty your hands and waste your time.
Watch and laugh girl. Dont get involved.

You know how damn emotional you've been this year. You know he's leaving soon. Dont make him worry. Dont make him upset. You've better things to do than to be bothered about her. Yea.

No regrets girl. Take the damn comment, swallow it and ignore.


Pride. Sin. Pride. Let go girl, let go.

I dont know what to say.

Why must everyone be the same ?

I think i'm going to lose, if not, have already lost you.


edit: spoke to evan. i guess this is how things always turn out. oh well. love you sweetie. =)


Ps. I've realised i misplaced jeshua under THINGS I LIKE. Tskk. Oh well. Actually, this can be worked in my direction. OBJECT of obsession. Ha. Hearts for jeshua. =)

I found out how he looks like. Lol. =)

I'm happy again. Hahahahaha.

6 x 7

I've been tagged by my dear cousin, PakNian, and am required to post seven pieces of information regarding each category:

Random facts about me

1. I have a thing for chubby guys.
2. I love food; eating food. A lot.
3. I enjoy organising things. It's the carrying out that ticks me off.
4. I am allegic to horror movies.
5. I think i'm tubby.
6. I do not buff/file/polish my fingernails.
7. I love notebooks. *hinthint* =)

Things that scare me (can i put 'afraid of' instead ?)

1. Walking down that alley by the nursery at 11pm alone.
2. That crazy tension between people at times.
3. Reluctance.
4. Uncertainty.
5. Unwanted affection.
6. Signs.
7. Being broke..? Hmm..

Songs at the moment

1. Miracle Maker - Delirious?
'cause i'm standing at the feet of the miracle maker. =)
2. Simple Things - Usher
it's the simple things in life we forget.
3. Kiss Me - Six Pence None The Richer
beneath the milky twilight. =)
4. Gimme, Gimme, Gimme - ABBA
take me through the darkness to the break of the day.
5. Some Might Say - Oasis
there's sunshine after rain.
6. Love in December - Ace of Base
Okay la. Yes i admit to be listening to OLD songs lately.
7. Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me - U2
Ditto the above explaination. Lalala~

Things I like

1. Getting to know God. =))
2. Food. =)
3. Notebooks. =)
4. Feeling loved. =))
5. Jeshua. =)
6. Not being broke..? =)
7. Jeshua. =))

Bad habits

1. Procrastination.
2. Overly paranoid.
3. Demanding.
4. Self-absorbed at times.
5. Excessively critical.
6. Slightly too careless.
7. Very poor time management.

Victims

1. SABA !!!
2. Daniel Wong, my partner in crime.
3. As Aung would say, Choke. =)
4. David
5. Warren
6. Brandon Wong, my dear drummer boy. =)
7. Dixon

i'm trying. =)

In a nutshell, today i went out for a vegetarian lunch with dave and su. Then we popped down to bugis. Yada yada yada.

On our way back, we saw some guys - 2 actually - from innova junior college and then coz kelly has yet to give me her badge after some twenty eons, i went up to one of the guys and asked him to sell me his. He gave it to me in the end. =)

Oh and did i mention Su said he's cute ? Okay la. Quite. Hahaha.

Then, because wilfred the evil hippo decided that he'll rather mug than watch a movie, i had no plans till 7pm when the PL meeting is due. So yea. I got bored, and went for a hair cut.

And the guy slaughtered my hair.

So yea. After which, i went to the library and then met up with edwin when the meeting dragged on till 10.30pm. Wheeeee.

Nothing much really. Handing over and stuff. Then the end year trip - which i doubt we (edwin, john, qq and me) will be going as i've told kianyan why - which if i'm not mistaken he has also told tuty and co why so. Yada yada.

Packed day really. And yes i'm attempting to be more obsessed over jeshua.

Hearts for jeshua. Yayness.

Ps. It's a lil' hard la. Not knowing how he looks like and all. Zzz.

Okay. In the end i didnt get to wear my secondary school uniform to school today. Tskk. Woke up a tad too late.

Anyway, bitching with warren continues. Apparently, that weirdo from st pats Mr Shane dude's been announcing to warren's entire course that well, warren's gay. At this rate, the whole faculty's gonna know before the year ends - Not that he's really homo. Heehz.

But seriously, shane should be happy, i mean, it's less competition after all. Tskk. Oh well. Anyway, warren, i still want that new dude's photo. Boy next door. Hahahahahaha.

Okay i need to rush down to tampines to meet dave, su and hem now. Celebrating dave's bday. Lalala~



HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID !!!
you're sucha bitch. =P

paradoxical

Some few hours back i was like so damn high i would've went to the reservoir and screamed. Now for some reason i've yet to fathom, i'm feeling so down. Sigh.

No, it's not the chem, seriously doubt so.

Maybe it's him. Hope not. Heh.





I need a hug.

Daniel, got gig next sunday at DXO also didnt tell me. THANKS AR.
edit: Mr wong after reading the entry promptly informed me. But still, dan, you're late. Rawr.

But i cant make it next sunday anyway. Annual street party !! =))

Ahhh. Feeling really good today. Which translates to: a lil' nutty.

Almost feel like sneaking into Jerome's place and taking his dog away. Hahahaha.

I wanna name my son Jeshua. I've decided. So shut up.

Okay. Very random. I know. Hahaha.


Dammit. Must be the mocha frapp and hot cocoa just now. Ahhhhh.

Ho hum. Rain stopped. Finally. Off to starbucks now.

lift me up

presence

I just love this picture.
Simple, but it gets the message across clearly.
Hold my hand.


Hold on to what is important. In that chase to succeed, to impress, to stand out, remember what is and should be the most important thing in life - and afterlife in this case.

God hears, sees, knows what we sometimes fail to realise. He's there, whether you want Him there or not, whether you know it or not, whether you feel Him or not. He's there.

Impressions are worth nothing. Those fleeting moments in life, why bother ?


Only God has the right to judge. Only God's judgement is something we should fear and be concerned of.

I know sometimes i tend to be bothered about certain aspects of myself, be it physically or mentally. Sometimes it might be for better, most of times it's not. In a way, i'm impressionable; to be slimmer, to be fitter, to be less imperfect. If only i can be less concerned, less worried about human judgement which i sometimes scrumble to.


Something that i've only managed to finally understand this year. To keep in mind, that my only judge is God.

muggeriam.

Mugging madness. Su and me in the school library, photo compliments of Jn. Ahhh. I miss the days when it was empty and we would take dumb photos of us 'studying' there.

Just completed my annual targets sheet and sent it to mum for printing. Pretty pretty. Ahhh. I miss editing on my ibook. If only there were any kind souls out there willing to sponser me a macbook. *hint hint*

But anyway, I've just finished reading - note, it's reading, not memorising - respiration. Yayness. Another 32495134913732487593583 more chapters to go !

I think i'll pop down to east coast road later. Try mugging at starbucks there. Mmm..

Should start on econs and chem first really. Them being my two worst subjects and all. Ho hum.

promos

20 Sept 06
Wednesday

H1 Chinese (546)


29 Sept 06
Friday

General Paper

H2 Economics (276)


2 Oct 06
Monday

H2 Chemistry (619 )


4 Oct 06
Wednesday

H1 Mathematics (77)


5 Oct 06
Thursday

H2 Biology (172)



Promos' timetable is out. Studying mode has not kicked in yet. When has it ever ? Heh.

I hope i survive this.

vch. tpjc guitar and band concert

I know this is a lil' late but here's some photos with the old gang at vch when we headed down to watch quanqi's guitar concert.


Group shot 1
kaiting, wileen, johnathan, quiping, ruimin,
me, rosalind, yutian, quanqi, edwin

Taken during the interval when we snuck off to give quanqi his 3 month belated bday present. Yes, it's that red sensational lips yutian is holding, after all, what better gift for ms sensational lips than one similar to hers. =P



Group shot 2

Same people except that i ran to join john at the back. Rawr. I'm tall !



Quanqi delighted with his gift poses with it for a shot.


Then, when the concert was nearing the end - i seriously didnt know laaa. sorry bertram, i really wanted to sit in for your item but yea. - ros, edwin and me 'snuck out' early and took some shots.



'win and me with the statue near the stairs. We climbed up the ledge just to take a photo with him. Oh and yea, that's edwin's tie i'm wearing.



Ros and me. My arm looks effing thick here i know. Mrs Loh then comes out and sees me with ros, i said hi. =)



Qq with the guitar strumming a tune after yutian threatens to smash the cake we bought earlier on onto his face. Oh and no you do no have a eyesight problem, i took desmond's tie. =)

rawr.

I was thinking of some stuff. I think it was about PW. But i forgot about it all now.

Maybe it's a good thing.


Anyway, i just realised that this guy in school, who-joined-canoeing-for-a-day-when-i-wasnt-around and was-on-quite-good-terms-with-aisha AND whose-name-i-forgot, reminds me of joshua. Somehow. I think his name might be joshua. Ah. Screw it.

Anyway, hi joshie. I miss you. Do inform me when you're coming back this end of year ya. That outing was seriously tooo weird, so tense, you really should speak to kang more. Yea.. But regardless, miss you tons bro. =)


Jn just messaged. Oh yes. I remember now. Yea.

Basically, i feel that the group does not seem to understand the situation well enough. Does not seem initiative enough. I'm so tired of this. I really dont wanna talk about it.


One thing good about stress though, is that it makes me eat less than usual. And seeing how much i'm starting to consume lately, i'm sure to cut down on my weight. Yay.








Yes i'm sad. I'm getting a burn out. I didnt even have the mood to complain to hachi last night when he spoke to me. Heh.


Ooo. My maid just brought me blueberries.

I'm feeling much better now. Okay, off to write my note for warren and then read up for the bloody GP test tomorrow.

to climb on.

Rock climbing on monday for SPE. Fell off at the 6th tile or 7th. Swung off in fact. Fingers were too sore and my upper back was starting to ache. Then cause of the swing, the right side's aching again, and the right bicep is somewhat tensed, okay, quite tensed. Both shoulders're popping really often tonight too. Mmmm..


But still, i really really wanna climb again. I miss climbing. That ecstatic feeling you get when you reach the top is something you cant get anywhere else. Feel no pressure, no fear when climbing. Unlike in track or canoeing. When climbing, i find myself focusing; more determined and less distracted by the external situation.

While rock climbing is an individual event, a team-effort is also visible in the sport. The climber must have trust in their belayer. Like God, they are the ones who ensure you'll be alright after every fall. If one doesnt trust the person belaying, one can never truly climb on; always being too afraid of falling.

Your belayer.
To catch you when you fall. To guide you in moving on.

Because God, you are my belayer.